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I recently got a new iPad and when all the books got downloaded into the kindle app, they were no longer in the order of most recently read. So I had to do a search for my favorite daily readers, and some came up that I had forgotten about. This morning was a huge gift that I very much needed:  I had time to read the daily entry for no less than 8 books, plus I got a few pages read of a couple more books.  Heaven!  While I always create time to do my foundational spiritual practices every day (connection and personal self awareness) I don’t always have time to read as I would like.  Today I want to share with you some quotes that made me think, or made me remember. 

This first one comes from Paul Ferrini, in his book The 12 Steps of Forgiveness: “Properly speaking there are only three states of consciousness available to us. One is love, which is eternal and unconditional. One is fear, which is temporary and conditional. And the last is forgiveness, which is a bridge from the illusion of fear to the reality of love.”

WHOA.  THAT’S HUGE.

I have spent YEARS believing and knowing and teaching that there are only two states of consciousness:  love or fear. The idea that there is a third state, a bridge, if you will, from fear to love, is radical for me.  And yet, it answers the question of how one gets to love when one is feeling fear.  I said I have believed and taught this concept for years, and many times a student will ask me, “how do I turn my fear into love?”  That question has always been a difficult one for me to answer, because how I’ve done that internally is a process that I can’t put into words.  It has to do with faith, or knowing.  It has to do with allowing.  It has to do with acknowledging and inner awareness.  It has to do with all that stuff.  But as I think about it none of that really addresses a process for moving from fear to faith.  But now we have one.  Forgiveness!

And of course I have a lot to say about forgiveness.  Forgiveness is probably one of the most difficult spiritual practices to do, but it is also the most rewarding.  And of course, you know that forgiveness is never ever ever about them, always about yourself.  But perhaps you did not know that inside just about every book on prosperity and abundance is a forgiveness piece. 

Obviously forgiveness is a big deal if we are to live happily and joyously on this earth.

And I just happen to have a way to forgive for you.  A forgiveness process if you will.  This is a process recently created by myself and my students in a class called 5 Gifts for an Abundant Life.  We were in the class on forgiveness (there’s that connection again!) and more than one student voiced frustration that there wasn’t really a process in the class to use to forgive.  So we created one.  Thanks and acknowledgment go to Julia Mattis, Cindy Mesa, Jamie Russell and Sharon Anyan for helping to create this.

This process is for self forgiveness, but as Ferrini says, we can’t forgive others until we forgive ourselves.

I offer this process to you for your consideration:

1.         Create a safe container by going into meditation, so that forgiveness of self is more of a heart space thing than an intellectual thing.  Be gentle with yourself.

2. Identify what wants to be forgiven

3. Breathe.  Honor what comes up, and don't dismiss it. Accept it without judgement
4. Ask:  What am I feeling? What are my beliefs behind this feeling?  Identify your limiting beliefs. More meditation might be necessary.

5. Talk about it with a practitioner, prayer partner, mentor, coach or trusted friend.

6. Resolve to change your thinking.  Do a treatment:  Identify what you want to replace the old belief or way of thinking, then identify how you will feel when the old way of thinking or believing is replaced, then treat for that. Ask for help from a practitioner or prayer partner if necessary.

7. Resolve to change our feelings about it, not our thoughts.  courageously release my resistance, courageously surrender.

8. Set the intention every day to feel the way you identified that you want to feel.  Then go about your day, trusting that your intention is coming true.

9. Make amends to yourself, which means to set things right with yourself.  Sometimes the treatment and intention is enough, sometimes you might need action as well.  Resolve to do things differently if needed.  

10.Go forth and have fun!

Affirmation: Today I fully and completely forgive myself, thus opening myself up to joy, happiness and peace.

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I’m not strong.
No, really.
I’ve recently had some conversations with a couple of folks that tell me that how people perceive me is not how I feel.
If that makes any sense.
One mentioned to me in an email that it was a good thing I was strong.  The context was that I would need to be strong to handle a project we are both involved in.  While I responded that yes, I had my strong moments, inside I was thinking that strength was not what was needed in this project.
Compassion, unconditional love and firm boundary setting is needed, but not strength.  
Then I was discussing the same project with another person, who asked me, “did it even occur to you to be concerned about driving over the pass in the winter time?”

I paused, smiled, and said, “NO!”
She laughed and I laughed.  Because really, it didn’t.  And she knows me pretty well and respects me enough to ask about things rather than make an inaccurate judgment call.  And several other people have asked me about that as well.  They’ve got an excuse, they just met me.  But I’m puzzled.  I’ve got a 4-wheel drive pickup with snow tires.  And over 30 years experience living in and driving in snow.  Why on earth would I be concerned?
They see it as strength.  I see it as a natural outcome of a strong foundation in spiritual practice.  This practice results in me having an endurable and very capable connection with That Thing that is the true strength, the true power.  
No, I am not strong.  I’m just connected.
I’m not busy either.
I get that a lot.  “You’re so busy!”  The other day someone asked me how I did all the things I do.  I explained to her that I never did anything that wasn’t fun (I do, however, see a lot of things as fun) and never did anything I didn’t want to do.  And that I really wasn’t that busy.
Let’s face it, I get to do a lot of cool stuff.  Both professionally and personally.  I believe life is full and rich and should be experienced to the max.  Lived full on.  I love that Hunter S. Thompson quote: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow!’”
I like to proclaim “wow!” On a regular basis.  And WEEHAW!  And WOOGIE!  Because some years back I made a commitment to myself that I would not argue for my limitations.  This means I refuse to say no if it means experiencing another aspect of living life full on.
Do I have times when I must retreat and hide under the covers and lick my wounds?  You bet.  It’s called grief work.  It’s called forgiveness.  It’s called taking personal responsibility.  It’s called a lot of things and  we all have to do those things or we simply shrivel up into miserable old excuses for humanity.  Hateful, judgmental, suspicious, fearful.  Then we get sick and die.  I don’t want to live like that.  So I take care of my wounds, and then come out, once again living life full on, saying yes to what comes as a result of my spiritual practices.
No, I am not busy.  I’m just connected.  
And I also know that when we label others with descriptions like these, those descriptions speak more to ourselves than the people we are labeling.  
Just sayin’.
So, I do the work that ensures that I stay connected.  Then I say YES to life, and because of that connection, I know that all is well and all will continue to be well and that my YESSES are supported.

Our nos are supported too, by the way, but that’s a topic for another blog post.  

I remember what life used to be like when I did not have a daily practice of going within and connecting. It was like being a dandelion in the wind. I got blown here and there, bits and pieces of me scattered everywhere. I could have been beautiful, but I didn't appreciate myself, and consequently others didn't either. I ended up being a thin little stem, fragile, victim of life, and destined for an early grave. Then a miracle happened. I made a change. A lot of changes actually. But they all stemmed from one series of thoughts: "I don't know what is wrong but something is definitely very wrong. And it has to change, because life wasn't meant to be like this." And I became willing to consider other ways of living. That one moment began what was to become a way of life that today is based in simple inward-focused practices that I do...every day. From that foundation, I have a life of choice, freedom based in personal responsibility, and joy. Much much joy. It's a funny thing about joy: there is the kind that is fleeting, based on outside stuff. That's more like happiness. It comes and goes. This kind of joy is not conditional upon outside stuff, so it is steady. It just is. As a result of fully embracing a life based in spiritual practice, I am now in a position where I can show others how to live such a life. Are you ready? Are you ready to embrace a way of living which will provide you with joy, peace and power? This can be your destiny. This can be a reality for you in the coming year. Set one intention for yourself for the coming year: to spend time every day utilizing one or two of the spiritual practices mentioned in my upcoming new book.  There are 12 of them:  introspection, connection, day dreaming, mindfulness, gratitude, prayer, treatment, contemplation, journaling, meditation, discipline, helping others,  and Forgiveness. Every day. No matter what. And watch your life unfold.  Don't let this New Year be like every other one, where you make resolutions that very quickly get set aside due to life and the whim of an undisciplined mind.  Let this year be different.  I can show you how.  Sign up here:

Now, you may be thinking that you don't need someone to show you how to day dream.  Well, did you know there are positive ways to day dream, and not so positive ways?  You may be thinking that everyone knows how to say thank you.  A gratitude practice goes much deeper than that.

Sign up now:  

You may be thinking that you can skip the prayer one.  What if I told you that there was a different, and more effective, way to pray than beseeching to an outside god whom you may or may not believe in?  Or if you do believe in god, perhaps you think It won't hear your prayers?  Or that you don't deserve to have them answered?  None of those things is true.

Sign up now:  

And what about that practice called treatment?  What is that?  Some sort of medical treatment?  Nope.  It is a formula, designed to add power to your prayers.  It works!

Sign up now:  

You may be thinking that there is someone you will never forgive.  Check out my previous blog posts on forgiveness and then assess whether or not you want to avail yourself of this extremely powerful practice.

Sign up now for the BEST 2018 EVER!

KAL_0697

 

Every day, as part of my spiritual practice, I read from a couple of different daily readers. Today, both of them are about forgiveness. While some might consider this magical thinking, I've learned not to ignore stuff like this. When I get two readings on the same topic, it allows me to stop and take a closer look and ask myself: is there anything or anyone I need to forgive today in order to provide myself with relief? I spent some time in contemplation this morning and am happy to say that no, no forgiveness is needed today. I have no lingering feelings of resentment that need taken care of. But when I do, I take care of them.

I've learned a few things about forgiveness.  When I forgive, it doesn't excuse or condone bad behavior on the part of another.  Forgiveness really doesn't have anything to do with anything or anyone else.  Rather, forgiveness has to do with myself.  Forgiving gives me relief.  It frees me from victimhood.  Forgiveness feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to move easier and breathe freer.  When I forgive, I must also be willing to give up the  payoff that sometimes comes from lack of forgiveness.   Have you ever realized that not forgiving gives us a sort of feeling of power?  "I am strong!  I am NEVER going to allow that other person to think what they did was OK!"  Unfortunately, such a sense of power is false and will turn against us, making us sick.  And what we do doesn't have any bearing on what another thinks.  The real power comes from forgiving and moving on and fully enjoying life.

How about you? Is a lack of forgiveness preventing you from fully experiencing all the joy that life has to offer?

 

©Image Angels
© Image Angels

Those clouds in the photo can be a metaphor for the clouds in our lives.  As a photographer, I seek out clouds, for those incredible rays of sun and beautiful sunsets would never happen without them.  In much the same way, our lives would not be happening the way they are without the clouds.  If you acknowledge and express gratitude for the clouds in your life, it can open up a whole new world of gifts, just like the rays of sunshine bursting forth in the photo.

Take a look at the clouds in your life, not with regret, shame or blame, but with gratitude and forgiveness, and you will allow your light to shine in much the same way as the clouds in the photo allow the light to shine.