Life is certainly a rich tapestry isn’t it? At least it is for me. I’ve got some real stuff going on, both personally and of course, at a global level. At the global level, I am feeling the angst, the dismay, the anguish and the anger of my fellow human beings. I vacillate between wanting to go out in the world and do things, and realizing I can only do so much. Every day for me I combat anger the likes of which I have not experienced since before getting sober, which has been over 33 years. I combat spontaneous tears. For the first time in over 33 years, I have a fear of people. Dealing with this is a daily event, every day I must renew my faith. I know what it feels like to live a fear free life, and quite frankly it is simply unacceptable to be experiencing a return of this kind of fear. I know what I must do to replace that fear with faith; this is the ultimate in self care. Not getting manicures and massages, although a massage is currently on my short term list of things to do. But on this journey, I must remember that these kinds of feelings, the fear, the anger, the grief, are normal given what is happening, even if they are not fun. I must honor them, but not nourish them. Instead, I must take a deeper dive into self care than I ever have before. This means talking regularly to the person I have chosen to be my counselor to guide me through this uncharted territory. This means accepting offers of help. It means loving the casseroles that people are bringing over. That one is not difficult to do. This means allowing loving people into my life, and eliminating hateful and unkind and ignorant people from it. I’ve been doing a lot of rearranging on my Facebook page lately. It means not feeling guilty that I simply do not have it in me at the moment to do more out in the world. It means changing my thinking on a daily basis, using the spiritual practices of gratitude and affirmative prayer as I never have before. I’ve been revisiting my book collection, and am rereading some old favorites that have always nourished me.
Yesterday I thanked one of Floyd’s doctors for quickly responding to a request we had made. She told me not to thank her and I burst into tears. Why would I not thank her? I like this doc. Others, not so much, but this one, I like. I text her, she calls back within a half hour and our request is honored with one phone call. She is Hindu, and has an approach to things that is part science and part spiritual, and I really identify with that. She honors Floyd’s decisions regarding his medical care, and I love that.
Every day is a wild ride of witnessing people doing stupid shit and saying the most outlandish things. Yesterday I heard a man proclaim, very loudly, that his daddy beat him regularly, sometimes with a belt and sometimes without one, and that he had learned respect because of it, and he was respectful now because of it. Despite the fact that he was loudly proclaiming his respect in a very disrespectful way. Sigh. My anger came back. The old me would have taken him on and told him to shut up in a physical way. But that was my old life and this is my new life. I do things differently now. And I’m 65 years old and all of 5 feet tall. I know my limits, and I also know that to engage in such dark behavior leads only to more dark behavior. I inwardly acknowledged my anger and simply left the area. Sometimes I bless those ignorant idiots. But mostly I’m beyond even that now. I leave them to their misery and move on. The fact that almost daily there are opportunities to make a choice like that is a very good indicator of what is happening in society right now. Then I did a wedding. A sacred and beautiful thing, and I was left with the feelings of wonder and joy and gratitude that I get to participate in such important events in people’s lives. And that horrible angry man was left behind to his own devices while I moved on to participate in and help create more beauty in life.
Every day I participate in wonderful new beginnings: weddings are off the charts this year. And I’ve taken to asking each of my wedding couples, “why now?” And their response is always the same, no matter what the circumstances are, “it’s time.” I believe that people want certainty in a very uncertain world, and for these couple, getting married is the way to achieve it. Tomorrow I facilitate the last of a month long class I’ve been teaching, called “The Art of Uncertainty.” Yes, there is an art to it. And a beauty, and when we open up to uncertainty, we experience things we would never have experienced otherwise. But I’m left thinking if there is such a thing as too much uncertainty? Who knows? What I know right now is that this time is populated with a roller coaster ride of emotions. Daily I experience the kind of anger I haven’t experienced in a very long time. Daily I cry. Daily I experience joy and gratitude and remember the peace that comes from faith and loving kindness. Daily I even experience some joy. Roller coaster. I used to like those when I was a kid. Go figure.
What I know is that with the last class tomorrow, it will be the last class I teach for at least a few months. What I know is that my interim ministry assignment will end on August 31, and I will not be accepting a new one for at least a few months. What I know is that I need to spend some time at home with my dying husband. People are beginning to refer to me as the care giver. I hate that name. And yet, because of what I do for a living, I know the important role that care givers play, and I know how important self care is for a care giver. So I will continue on this self care journey.
I once created a workshop on self care. I presented it to ministers, who quite often are not the best examples of self care. (This is a huge understatement by the way.) I believe it was a success. One lady showed up and complimented me. She said, “if you had begun talking about manicures and massages I would have been out of here.” No, self care is not about manicures and massages. It is about self love. It is about self compassion. It is about mindfulness. It is about knowing one’s boundaries, and setting them and keeping them.
So today I do the ultimate in self care, and I hope you do the same.
Tag: mindfulness
Are you an expression of love?
Make 2018 THE BEST YEAR EVER!
I remember what life used to be like when I did not have a daily practice of going within and connecting. It was like being a dandelion in the wind. I got blown here and there, bits and pieces of me scattered everywhere. I could have been beautiful, but I didn't appreciate myself, and consequently others didn't either. I ended up being a thin little stem, fragile, victim of life, and destined for an early grave. Then a miracle happened. I made a change. A lot of changes actually. But they all stemmed from one series of thoughts: "I don't know what is wrong but something is definitely very wrong. And it has to change, because life wasn't meant to be like this." And I became willing to consider other ways of living. That one moment began what was to become a way of life that today is based in simple inward-focused practices that I do...every day. From that foundation, I have a life of choice, freedom based in personal responsibility, and joy. Much much joy. It's a funny thing about joy: there is the kind that is fleeting, based on outside stuff. That's more like happiness. It comes and goes. This kind of joy is not conditional upon outside stuff, so it is steady. It just is. As a result of fully embracing a life based in spiritual practice, I am now in a position where I can show others how to live such a life. Are you ready? Are you ready to embrace a way of living which will provide you with joy, peace and power? This can be your destiny. This can be a reality for you in the coming year. Set one intention for yourself for the coming year: to spend time every day utilizing one or two of the spiritual practices mentioned in my upcoming new book. There are 12 of them: introspection, connection, day dreaming, mindfulness, gratitude, prayer, treatment, contemplation, journaling, meditation, discipline, helping others, and Forgiveness. Every day. No matter what. And watch your life unfold. Don't let this New Year be like every other one, where you make resolutions that very quickly get set aside due to life and the whim of an undisciplined mind. Let this year be different. I can show you how. Sign up here:
Now, you may be thinking that you don't need someone to show you how to day dream. Well, did you know there are positive ways to day dream, and not so positive ways? You may be thinking that everyone knows how to say thank you. A gratitude practice goes much deeper than that.
Sign up now:
You may be thinking that you can skip the prayer one. What if I told you that there was a different, and more effective, way to pray than beseeching to an outside god whom you may or may not believe in? Or if you do believe in god, perhaps you think It won't hear your prayers? Or that you don't deserve to have them answered? None of those things is true.
Sign up now:
And what about that practice called treatment? What is that? Some sort of medical treatment? Nope. It is a formula, designed to add power to your prayers. It works!
Sign up now:
You may be thinking that there is someone you will never forgive. Check out my previous blog posts on forgiveness and then assess whether or not you want to avail yourself of this extremely powerful practice.
Sign up now for the BEST 2018 EVER!
Feeling a bit overwhelmed?
Has it ever happened to you: that feeling that you are NEVER going to get it all done...NEVER! I know it has happened to me.
It is called overwhelm, and I think it happens to all of us occasionally. Overwhelm can be caused by a number of things, but usually it is because you have said "yes" to too many things. The second most common cause of overwhelm is projection: you are thinking about some point in the future instead of right now. Overwhelm has a tendency to stop us in our tracks, there might be a feeling that there is so much to do that we might as well sit down and do nothing, because there is no way to get it all done.
Here are some things you can do to prevent overwhelm:
- Say no. If you can't say no, the invitation is to take a look at that. Why can't you say no? Usually there is some underlying fear that causes this. Fear of displeasing someone, fear of not being included, fear of not being accepted. Take a good hard look at what you have said "yes" to and see if you can remove any of those yesses from your life.
- Live in the moment. The Buddhists have it right when they say mindfulness is the key to peace. Don't think about yesterday, it is a done deal. Don't think about tomorrow, it hasn't happened yet. Think about right now.
- Break it down. I don't know about you, but I can do anything for an hour. I may not be able to even contemplate doing it for a day, but I can do it for an hour. If you have a number of tasks in front of you, pick one and work on it for an hour. Then give yourself permission to take a break. Then do it again.
And if you have a pattern of feeling overwhelmed, consider that it may not be serving you. It might serve you better to get some help to change that.
I can help, contact me.