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This image is part of a series. Periodically, in my neighborhood, shepherds drive the sheep through. The sheep graze the surrounding hillsides and keep the brush down, it is good for fire prevention. I was moved to grab a camera and follow the sheep for a couple of hours as they passed through my neighborhood. Taking these photos was the first time in months that I had the urge to grab a camera and just shoot for the sheer love of it.

Well! It has certainly been a journey! Since I last posted my husband made his transition. Since then I’ve been doing that thing called grieving. Grieving is an interesting thing. It must be done. Actually I think a better way of putting it is that it must be allowed. If one doesn’t fully allow the grieving process, icky things happen. I am a firm believer in living a life of joy rather that a life of ICK, so I took a deep dive into the grieving process.

I let myself cry, willy nilly. Except when I had to go to work. Then I had to shelve those tears for a while.

I let myself nap, almost every day.

I let myself isolate.

And all the while I was allowing these things, I was doing some things too.

Moving my husband’s stuff from the house to the garage to the travel trailer. Somehow, when he first went, it seemed important to me to get his stuff out of the house. Sort of a cleansing ritual I guess. Then I had to move the stuff out of the garage to make room to organize things in there, and to make room for the sale of his boot shop. Yes, my husband had a boot shop. He was quite talented and made beautiful boots.

This is Clint and his significant other. They are from Oklahoma. Clint heard through the boot maker’s grapevine that my husband’s shop was up for sale and he jumped on the opportunity to grab hold of it. They traveled all the way to Nevada from Oklahoma to pick up the equipment, experiencing some adventures along the way. And we loaded the equipment in the midst of a snow storm.

Along with mountains of paperwork, and moving and selling and donating my husband’s stuff, there was stuff going in my life as well. While Floyd was still in home hospice, and on a day when a nurse was here as well as someone delivering the hospital bed, as well as me trying to clean up the latest mess in Floyd’s bathroom, I get a call from my publisher. I did not take the call that day. But in a process that had begun way before Floyd entered hospice, they had called to tell me my book was ready for review, the last step before publication. In addition, I had begun doing a podcast. Plus my little wedding business wasn’t so little. I specialize in elopements. And because of COVID forcing cancellation of a zillion big weddings, all of a sudden my phone is ringing off the hook with couples wanting to elope. They just wanted to get married. In October I officiated 21 weddings. That’s a lot of weddings for a grieving widow. In addition, retirement choices were presented. I had already retired from my photography business but now I was faced with additional choices. I’m still deciding about some of those but the short story is that I’m letting go a quite a few things to leave room for quiet time and ministry.

In recovery there is a saying: “don’t make any major decisions in your first year of recovery.” I’ve taken that and adopted it to: “don’t make any major decisions in your first year of widowhood.” So many of my choices are up in the air but I’ve noticed a few things.

In the stillness I’ve deepened my love affair with myself. And become more willing than ever to honor decisions based on my values. Thanksgiving is coming up. And COVID is still with us. And the Nevada governor has asked us to voluntarily stay home and not do social gatherings. I am honoring that. Even though Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, because it coincides with my recovery birthday. This year, the day after Thanksgiving, I will celebrate 34 years of good, solid, happy joyous and free recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction. I’ll be sharing my birthday, via Zoom, at a 12 step meeting that morning. That will be the extent of my socializing for both thanksgiving and my recovery birthday. Quite a change from previous years but I’m welcoming it. I plan to cook a turkey, just like I always do. It will just be a smaller one, with fewer fixings. I plan to, as is my tradition, get my Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving, along with making turkey soup and eating turkey sandwiches.

Soon I will resume podcasting my Fearlessly Feral podcast. I’m almost there, I can feel it. Soon I will take on another Interim Ministry assignment. I’m excited about that. Soon I may even start another book. In the meantime I’m just going to sit back and enjoy another stretch of quiet time.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Oh, if you wish to purchase my latest book, it is currently available in print version only (e-version coming soon) from:

My store here on my web site, or from Amazon, or from Balboa Press.

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Last week I had a conversation with someone. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation, and I doubt it will be the last. But what struck me was the source of this conversation. Usually, I have this conversation with folks who have a different set of beliefs than I do. Before I get off track about the beliefs, let me report the conversation.

Her: “You are very busy indeed!”

Me: “I always laugh when people tell me I’m busy.  My ministry consists of writing, creating memes/graphics, creating and doing workshops, classes and retreats, and some private coaching. And a once a week online discussion group based on the Science of Mind textbook.  I have time every day to either lounge around in the mornings watching the fat quail that hang out at our house, or to go horse back riding.  And to nest.  So...not too busy.  Life is indeed rich and full but not too busy!”

Her: “Busy-ness is a state of mind which obviously I was projecting on you.”

And there-in lies the source of the busy comments I get all the time. It is more about them than about me. Even when that comment comes from someone I consider to be spiritually enlightened.

And right there is my opportunity to speak of beliefs.

I believe in living a rich and full life. I have some fears, I have some anxieties but I do not allow those to prevent me from doing what I wish to do. Nor do I allow them to keep me from showing up as how and whom I wish to show up in the world. (And where is my editor when I need her?)

I know where some of these beliefs came from. Enjoying life to the fullest: that belief came about as a result of doing the process of recovery, and realizing I did not get sober to plod through life. I got sober to enjoy life to the fullest.

The belief that one should do what one loves for a living, no matter whether there was money in it or not? I have no idea where that one came from. When I was a kid and pondering what to do with my life, every idea or suggestion I presented to the parental units was greeted the same way: “there’s no money in that,” they would say. As for me, it has never made sense to me to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, doing something that I did not enjoy just to bring home a paycheck.

And my thought would be, “but there is no joy in what you are suggesting.”

I am a firm believer in “build it and they will come.” I’ve been self employed for most of my adult life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is great freedom in being self employed. I have a flexible schedule, one that allows me to do all the things I love doing. That I get to do all the things I love doing is, I think, the source of all the “you’re so busy!” comments. There is a discipline involved in being self employed, for sure. I have to work, I have to produce, I have to write, no matter what. I have to ask for support and trust from people, so I can continue to do this work and get paid even before the book is published or the workshop done. I have to have faith and trust, and I have to renew that faith continuously. I still wouldn’t change it.

So no, I’m not busy. I am a great proponent of self care. I even have a workshop on self care. Most of the time I’m in balance with work, rest and play. What you believe is what you receive, and I believe that we should live lives of joy, doing what we love to earn a living, being able to play regularly, and being able to rest regularly. And that is what I do.

I know the “you’re so busy” comments will continue. I won’t tell them that speaks more to them than to me. People tend to get defensive and shut down when I do that. I see it as an opportunity for growth, but that’s just me I guess.

So today I’m going to write a bit more, nest a bit more, work a bit doing the things that set up a multiple source passive income stream, and just generally enjoy my day. Nope, not too busy.