Let's face it, life is full of all kinds of stuff: some we label as good, some we label as bad. Today I want to talk about what we sometimes label as bad: change or loss. Loss happens. So does change. Relationships end. Jobs and careers go away. Things happen. So often the tendency is to somehow make the feelings as a result of those losses go away. We don't want to hurt. In fact, there is a judgement about the hurting itself, as if there is something shameful or wrong about it. We tell ourselves we shouldn't hurt, to put our big boy and girl panties on and buck up. We try to hide it, deny it, medicate it, do anything except feel it.
When we do, all we do is form ugly scar tissue over the break. We heal it, but we don't cure it. We don't do our grief work. Because of this, we are doomed to a life where we may not feel the hurt acutely anymore, but all of our reactions and decisions are consequently based on that one event. We've got tunnel vision and it is very limiting.
Here are some examples:
- The relationship ends, and instead of doing our inner work to learn the lesson, we immediately get into another one.
- We experience a loss, and instead of going through a grieving process, we get a prescription.
- Something "bad" happens, and instead of working through it, we get so busy that we have no time to thing.
I'd like to propose that there is a different, gentler way to do things, and it is also more rewarding in the long run.
The difference between a broken heart and a broken-open heart is profound. We all have times and instances in which our hearts get broken. We hurt. Eventually we heal, somewhat, but it is never cured. There is a difference between healing and curing. Healing is temporary and very shallow. Curing is permanent and goes deep. Healing only takes care of the surface wounds. Curing changes us at deep levels, and such change is necessary for us to move into the next greatest expression of being.
A broken-open heart can be the way to a cure. It is a doorway through which we can live a new and wonderful life.
If your heart is broken, I'd like to suggest that you do not medicate it, jump into another relationship, make yourself so busy you have no time to think, or any of the other things we typically do to make the bad feelings just go away.
Instead, feel them. Acknowledge the grief and allow the process to happen. Do the inner work, because a broken-open heart is a doorway into new ways of thinking and perceiving ourselves and life. Consider getting support and help moving through the process