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Let's face it, life is full of all kinds of stuff:  some we label as good, some we label as bad.  Today I want to talk about what we sometimes label as bad:  change or loss.  Loss happens.  So does change.  Relationships end.  Jobs and careers go away.  Things happen.  So often the tendency is to somehow make the feelings as a result of those losses go away.  We don't want to hurt.  In fact, there is a judgement about the hurting itself, as if there is something shameful or wrong about it.  We tell ourselves we shouldn't hurt, to put our big boy and girl panties on and buck up.  We try to hide it, deny it, medicate it, do anything except feel it.

When we do, all we do is form ugly scar tissue over the break.  We heal it, but we don't cure it.  We don't do our grief work.  Because of this, we are doomed to a life where we may not feel the hurt acutely anymore, but all of our reactions and decisions are consequently based on that one event.  We've got tunnel vision and it is very limiting.

Here are some examples:

  • The relationship ends, and instead of doing our inner work to learn the lesson, we immediately get into another one.
  • We experience a loss, and instead of going through a grieving process, we get a prescription.
  • Something "bad" happens, and instead of working through it, we get so busy that we have no time to thing.

I'd like to propose that there is a different, gentler way to do things, and it is also more rewarding in the long run.

The difference between a broken heart and a broken-open heart is profound.  We all have times and instances in which our hearts get broken.  We hurt.  Eventually we heal, somewhat, but it is never cured.  There is a difference between healing and curing.  Healing is temporary and very shallow. Curing is permanent and goes deep.  Healing only takes care of the surface wounds.  Curing changes us at deep levels, and such change is necessary for us to move into the next greatest expression of being.

A broken-open heart can be the way to a cure.  It is a doorway through which we can live a new and wonderful life.

If your heart is broken, I'd like to suggest that you do not medicate it, jump into another relationship, make yourself so busy you have no time to think, or any of the other things we typically do to make the bad feelings just go away.

Instead, feel them.  Acknowledge the grief and allow the process to happen.  Do the inner work, because a broken-open heart is a doorway into new ways of thinking and perceiving ourselves and life.  Consider getting support and help moving through the process

 

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photo credit:  ISS Expedition 12 Crew, NASA (the photo is of a space suit, filled with old clothes. This image was created in 2006)

"Leap and the net will appear."

This quote by Julia Cameron is one of my favorites.  It reminds me of my own self imposed limitations, and what I have to do to remove those limitations.

You may identify with experiencing road blocks of prevention on your journey.  Perhaps it may seem as if everywhere you turn the answer is no.  Or perhaps it may seem like you just can't get a break.  Or maybe, just maybe, an opportunity for change is being presented to you and you don't want to take it because, well, no one likes change, right?

But I look at these times as times when the net has appeared.  I am being told to leap, to think outside the box, to be and then do something different.

If I am getting a no answer everywhere I turn, then I am asking the wrong questions.  If I'm not getting a break, I may need to look at my right to be a victim.  Harsh words, I know, but when coupled with compassion, they are also very freeing.  And if an opportunity for change is presented, this is the time when I can take a step back and ask why this opportunity has been presented?  Is it really time for a change?  And if so, what will the change look like?

The net comes from my own inner work, specifically that inner work that connects me to a god of my understanding and inner work that allows me to truly know myself.  When I do this inner work, I can trust those calls to change, because I know that on the other side of uncertainty is the wide open vastness of life, catching me in all its beauty.

When I first saw the photo which accompanies this post, I thought "how wonderful that humankind can now do those kinds of things."  Yes, I tend to be a bit naive and trusting at times.  When I read the caption and realized it was a stuffed space suite which burned in the earth's atmosphere, I knew it would be a perfect illustration for this post.  We should never leap without a net.  Yes, it will appear, but only when we do the inner work. There is a power and a force for good that is activated when we do the inner work.  That power and force for good is the net.  Activate it now, and then take your leap.  And let me know where you land!

It is New Year's Eve, and I have already begun seeing lots of posts on Facebook and hearing comments from quite a few people that they are saying, "goodbye and good riddance" to 2013.  The general feeling seems to be that 2013 was not a good year.

Really?

I'd like to present a different take on it.  There are more productive ways to ensure success in the New Year.  Here's a few of those ways:

  1. Don't regret the past.  It really is true that what you think creates more of what you are thinking about.  Regretting the past is a real good way to experience more of the same.
  2. If 2013 really wasn't a good year for you, view it as a stepping stone or part of a process to get where you want to go.  Look forward in the direction of your dreams, not behind you.
  3. Do some inner work.  No matter how you are feeling about 2013, doing some inner work will allow you to move into 2014 with enthusiasm.  Ask yourself some tough questions:  why?  how?  what could I do differently? Be gentle with yourself while you are doing this.
  4. Be grateful.  Make a gratitude list of what you are grateful for in 2013.  Did you know that gratitude increases life satisfaction?  If you make a gratitude list every day, you will experience more satisfaction with your life.
  5. Don't do the New Year's Resolutions thing.  They don't work.  Instead, do some visualizaiton.  Picture yourself as how you want to be.  Don't loose sight of that picture.  Think about that picture every day.  As you go about your day, ask yourself if the action you are about to take is a step towards that picture you have in your mind, or a step away from that picture.
  6. And if your life truly isn't the way you want it to be, if you really think 2013 sucked and you just want to move on, consider that if you don't do something differently, 2014 is going to be more of the same.  Harsh language?  Perhaps.  But you are not a victim of circumstances or anything else.  You are an empowered being who may need some help to realize that.   Spiritual counseling can help you navigate your way from  victim to empowerment.

2014 can be the best beginning of the rest of your life!  Happy New Year!

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